Starlight Moon
by mynameisella
Summary: What do you do if you wake up inside a story, but it's not the version you've read before? I woke up one morning in Bella Swan's body, but this isn't the Twilight I know. Bella didn't have a twin brother named Beau.. OC!Bella
1. Isabella Marie Swan

Have you ever read a book over and over and over again? Read it so many times that the spine was cracked and the pages were falling out?

I'm what you would call a bookworm. All of my books are like this. I adore every book I read and I hold their stories close to my heart, always. And every day, I imagine what it would be like to be in those stories and in those magical worlds. To be Hermione and go to Hogwarts, to be Rose and attend the Vampire Academy, or even to be Annabeth at Camp Half Blood. It's a little embarrassing to admit, but every eyelash and 11:11 wish I made was about going into some fictional, magical world. I never really thought I'd get that wish.

Especially because I never wished to be in _this_ world.

* * *

The alarm next to my bed blared and I slapped at it blindly until it shut up. It felt way too damn early to be doing anything, so I rolled over and went back to sleep. I was just about back in dreamland- Dimitri here I come!- when someone started shaking me.

"Honey, you're going to miss the plane!" A kind, yet unfamiliar, voice said. "Unless you've changed your mind?" I cracked my eye open to peer at the person who stood over my bed.

It was not my mother.

I didn't recognize the lady with the short brown hair and light blue eyes. Laugh lines decorated her face and she held a steaming cup of coffee in one hand. She seemed nice, like that "cool mom" you always wanted, but I had no clue who she was. If I hadn't been half asleep, I'd have screamed. I'd have cried. Instead, I just looked at her blankly until she sighed and held out the mug.

"We have to leave in half an hour, Bella." She shut the door behind her as I blinked, the mug burning my hand a little. I sniffed the coffee and wrinkled my nose, setting it on the side table. I didn't drink coffee, not really.

Wait. Did she just call me Bella?

Now, my name is not Bella, or Isabella, or anything that could be remotely close to Bella. It's not important, what my real name is. It doesn't matter anymore. But right then, my half-foggy mind was whirring and I could tell something was off.

The room I was in was not my room. It was sparsely decorated and impeccably clean. The bookshelf was only half-full and the books were all older than I was. There was nothing new, no Eleanor & Park or Clockwork Princess. The only reason I recognized any of the books on the shelf were from required school readings. Wuthering Heights, Fahrenheit 451, Animal Farm. Not my taste, not at all.

I got up, thoughts of a possible kidnapping popping into my head. But the bedroom door didn't have a lock on it and the woman had been awfully nice- I think she had offered for me to stay and not go- wherever it was that I was headed.

I was getting a little confused. A small black bag sat on the desk chair and I grabbed it. The only things inside were a plain black phone and a plain black wallet. It was one of those ones made of duct tape- you know, the kind that third graders make. The first card slot held a license and I pulled it out.

A pretty brunette looked stoically ahead, her eyes dark and her hair straight. She didn't look familiar at all. I looked at the name and stopped. Isabella Marie Swan. The address was for Phoenix, Arizona and the girl was seventeen years old.

Bella. That was what the woman had called me. Had she thought I was this Isabella girl? I didn't look anything like-

Why did that name sound so familiar? Isabella Swan? Isabella Marie? Bella Sw- Oh. _Oh._

No! Bella Swan was a fictional character, there was no way I had her license in my hand. The picture didn't even look like I pictured Bella from Twilight. The girl was too pretty, with prominent cheekbones, long eyelashes, and a heart-shaped face.

Besides, that was a book series! Bella wasn't a real person, so obviously I didn't have her wallet. I rolled my eyes at my stupidity and was about to put the license back when I happened to glance at the mirror on the vanity-turned-desk. My heartbeat quickened and I had to take a few deeps breaths to prevent the panic attack I could feel coming on. I didn't look like me. I looked like the girl in the picture. _I looked like Bella Swan._

I sat on the edge of the bed and leaned forward, dropping the license and wallet. This wasn't happening. This was _not_ happening. This was a stupid dream and I was going to wake up at any second. I pinched my leg a few times, but it hurt like a bitch and nothing changed. I just stared at the ground, where the stoic picture of Bella stared back, mocking me.

There was a soft knock at my door. "Bella? This is your fifteen minute warning!" It was a male voice this time. I had to think a moment to remember Bella's stepdad's name. Phil.

"Okay," I croaked. "I'll be ready in a minute."

Well, now I had to get ready. It wasn't so hard, since there was a long sleeve blouse and a pair of jeans sitting on top of a suitcase that was in the middle of the room. I slipped the clothes on and stuffed the wallet and license back into the sad, small bag that must have been my purse. Bella's purse, I mean.

Because I was not Bella.

I opened the door and nearly ran into a teenage boy coming out of the bathroom. I looked at him with wide eyes as I stumbled back. He was tall and gangly, in that just-had-a-growth-spurt kind of way. His hair was a mess, sticking out every way, and the same shade of brown as mine- Bella's. His eyes, widened as mine were, were sky-blue and the kind of eyes I had always wanted to have.

I bumped the wall a little and the boy laughed. "Easy there, Bells. Do want to kill yourself before we even get to Hell- I mean, Forks." He winked playfully at me and jumped down the stairs, two at a time, while I just stood there, flummoxed.

It may have been a few years since I had last reread the Twilight series, but I knew for a fact that Bella did not have a brother.

So who the hell was that?


	2. Thing One and Thing Two

I didn't know how to ask questions. How do you ask a question you're supposed to know the answer to? The teenage boy was treated like a son by Renee and Phil and treated me like a sister, but I knew that Bella had been an only child in the Twilight books.

Renee chattered away during the car ride to the airport. I hmmed a few times, looking out the window as the city of Phoenix whizzed past me. I didn't know what to say, how to not let these people know I wasn't who they thought I was. So I just kept my mouth shut, playing with the end of my sleeves. The boy nudged me after a bit and I snapped out of my thoughts to look at him. His eyebrows were raised.

"We're here, Thing Two."

It was almost too natural to roll my eyes and reply, "Whatever, Thing One." I climbed out of the car and let the boy and Phil deal with our luggage. Renee hugged me tight, hinting one last time that we could stay in Phoenix with her, but I shrugged her off a little.

"Mom," it felt weird to call her 'mom', "we'll be fine! Forks will be good for us." Renee rolled her eyes at that, but bought it enough to let me go. Phil gave me an awkward side hug.

"Okay, you both have your tickets?" Phil asked, as Renee was a bit to absentminded to remember to check for stuff like that. The boy held up two plane tickets. "Phones? Chargers? Wallets?" I tapped my purse lightly and the boy tapped his front pocket. "Okay, then I think you two are ready. Have fun with your dad."

I was relieved to get out of there, even if I never had been the biggest fan of airports. They're too crowded and metal detectors kind of freak me out. I just trailed behind the boy- Bella's brother- and kept quiet. I didn't know how to act or what to say. Do I say anything? I know Bella was always a quiet sort of person, so maybe just shutting up is my best option?

"Relax, Bells," the boy said to me as we sat in the terminal. "It won't be that bad."

"You don't know that," I murmured. It took me a second to realize that he was talking about Forks.

"Yeah, I do." I scoffed.

"Sure."

"I do so!"

"You hate Forks."

"I wasn't the one who pitched a fit to stop us from going there."

"Still."

He laughed and sat back in his chair, his legs splaying out in that way that boys do. They take up as much space as possible, leaving nothing for us girls. I nudged is leg away from mine and stared out the window. If I was in my real body, I'd have at least three books in my purse- a reasonably-sized purse, not the small pouch Bella used- and would be reading right now. But, no, I was bored out of my mind. My phone didn't even get service in our part of the airport.

We sat in a companionable silence that stretched all throughout our plane journey. I was never one to sleep on planes, so I contented myself to flipping through the pathetic magazines for the three hour plane ride.

I had never had a brother before, but this boy was what I'd imagined a brother would be like. I just wished I knew his name!

Before I knew it, we were outside the airport in Port Angeles- it was weird to be in a city I had only ever read about!- and waiting for Charlie.

"Ten bucks says he brings the cruiser," the boy said. I made a face.

"I'm not betting against that! Does he even have another car?" The boy laughed and I found myself laughing alongside him.

Sure enough, a police cruiser with the word "FORKS" painted on the side rolled up to us a minute later and out stepped Charlie. If Bella looked nothing like I'd pictured, Charlie looked like he came straight out of my brain. Hair the same color as mine and my brother's- _Bella's brother's_ \- and eyes a deep chocolate brown, like Bella's. His hair was curly, though, and receding away from his forehead in an unfortunate manner. He had a belly, but if that was from beer or from eating out every day, I couldn't tell.

He smiled when he saw us. "Beau! Bella! You're actually here." He seemed embarrassed at that last bit, like he had really expected to drive up and find out we decided to stay in Arizona. Were we just assholes or did he just have low self-esteem?

And, hey, at least I knew my brother's name now. Beau was kind of a sucky name, but it suited him.

* * *

I didn't cry. I swear. I laid in my new bed and listened to the rain pounding on the ceiling and on the windows and I totally did not cry. I did not think about how much I missed my real parents, or my dog, or how I would be reading a book right now to cheer myself up. I didn't hold one of the pillows over my mouth to muffle my sobs.

And Beau totally did not come in to check on me, cheeks tearstained as well. I guess it isn't weird for twins to share a bed, and his presence was actually quite comforting and made it easier to fall asleep.

He was gone by the time I woke up. I walked to the only bathroom in the house and closed the door. My face was a bit puffy from last night, but either way I was still jarred by how pretty I was. That seemed so conceited to think, but it was true. Bella Swan was a beautiful girl. At least now it made sense, how every single guy in Forks fell for her. Maybe it wasn't just shoddy writing.

There wasn't much to do to get ready. I brushed my teeth and my hair, splashed some cold water on my face. I had showered the night before, so that was about it. Bella didn't have any makeup (which was a good thing, since I had no idea how to use any of it) and my hair looked fine after I brushed it. Perks of having straight hair, huh?

I was about to walk out when Beau banged on the door. "Bella, hurry up!" I rolled my eyes and opened the door. His fist flew over my head; he clearly wasn't expecting me to actually open the door. I pushed him back a little and slid around him.

"We're leaving in twenty," I called behind me, "so don't take forever, princess!" I didn't know where the "princess" part came from, but I had a feeling that Beau was the kind of guy who took pride in his appearance.

He turned around and glowered at me. I wasn't sure what the big deal was- wasn't it just sibling banter?- so I flashed him a sweet smile. He shut the bathroom door just a little too hard and I was suddenly afraid that he was mad at me. Had I fucked this up already?

I didn't eat breakfast, so I was waiting in the truck Charlie had bought for the two of us. Beau climbed into the driver's seat and started the engine. I knew it was going to be loud- how many times had that been mentioned in Twilight?- but I still jumped when it roared to life. Beau snickered, but other than that he didn't acknowledge me. I felt like I had swallowed something gross and it was swimming in my stomach.

I fucked up.

It was a quiet (but still loud) drive to Forks High School. The rain made me wary of Beau's driving skills, but he managed fine and didn't even miss the exit off the freeway to the school. I was sliding my backpack on my back when I noticed that Beau hadn't made a move after parking the car.

"You know I don't like you teasing me about it, Bella," he said quietly. Not in a mad way, but in a sort of defeated way. It made me feel even worse and I had no idea what I had done!

"I didn't mean to upset you." The muscles in his jaw moved.

"I know. But it still does." He seemed to struggle with his words. "I-I'm still not comfortable with.. this." I was so lost.

I grabbed his hand and squeezed. "I know. I'm sorry." He flashed me a weak smile. "But, hey, Forks is a place to start new! So, let's not start out with being late."

Our schedules were close to being the same, but I had Biology before lunch and he had it after. Our math classes were also switched. Beau was disappointed, but I pointed out that four out of six classes wasn't bad. Plus, it was good to get a little space.

English was boring as fuck, as I had read and done everything the teacher was talking about. I read the Scarlet Letter in my freshman year of high school and was not in a hurry to reread it. A boy called Jeremy had claimed Beau's attention and immediately partnered with him to discuss the chapters the class had read the night before. I sat awkwardly on my own until a nice girl called Angela offered to be my partner. I vaguely remembered her from the books, so it was easy to talk to her.

As the day lead up to Biology, I was getting nervous. What if Edward didn't have as much control as he did in the books? Jessica wasn't around, and Bella had a brother, so what if Edward was just a bit weaker? What if he killed me?

I almost skipped Biology.

But all my worry was in vain. Edward Cullen was not in my Biology class. His sister, Alice, was, but we weren't paired together. I was paired with Mike Newton, who was friendly but kind of annoying. And it was super obvious that he was into me (what is with me? Did having a pretty face turn me into a vain bitch?), but I decided to follow book-Bella's example and just play dumb about his intentions for as long as possible. He followed me from class to the cafeteria.

"You can sit with my friends, if you want," he said. He pointed to the far side of the room. "I can save you a seat." I found myself wanting to say no, but I didn't know how. Luckily for me, I spotted Beau sitting on the opposite side of the room, with that Jeremy guy.

"Thanks, but I was gonna sit with my brother." I said, heading that way. "Maybe another time!" Immediately, I cursed. He would probably take that literally.

It turned out that Angela was also sitting with Jeremy and his friends, so I had someone to talk to. Beau acted like he wanted to talk to me, but Jeremy would not shut up and Beau was too polite to ignore him.

That was when I spotted the Cullens. I tilted my head to the side, looking at them.

When I read the Twilight books, I had always had a hard time picturing vampires. How do you picture perfection when you have no frame of reference? Well, now I did. I had never been able to imagine skin so pale and smooth, or hair so shiny and perfectly styled, even Edward's stylishly messy locks.

Edward looked up and his eyes locked on mine. I looked down at my cardboard pizza and picked off a pepperoni.

"Who're they?" Beau asked, having noticed them as well. Jeremy went on explaining them, but I tuned it out. I didn't feel right. Or at least, not like I had expected. Bella had always been drawn to Edward, to vampires in general. But I had no urge to go near them. In fact, I was feeling the urge to run.

I wondered when I'd get to meet the famous vampires, and how I'd react when it happened.


	3. Death by Ice

I didn't have any classes with Edward Cullen. I was sort of relieved when I followed Beau out of the gymnasium and to the truck. I hadn't realized just how much I had been dreading meeting Edward, but I really had. I liked my blood where it was, thank you very much.

"So, how were your classes?" I asked as Beau revved the engine. He gave me a look.

"You know how they were."

"I meant the ones I wasn't in, dummy." I already had a buttload of homework and wanted to think about something else.

Beau shrugged as he left the parking lot. "Geometry was fine, if annoying. Bio was weird, though." I bit my thumb nail absentmindedly, looking at the sea of green. I couldn't even make out any store signs as we drove.

"What was weird?" I asked, not really paying much attention. I had spotted an independent bookstore. I'd be going there later today, that was sure. Beau wasn't the biggest reader, so he probably wouldn't be into it. I froze for a moment when I wondered how I knew that about my brother.

"Well I got paired with that Edward guy and he was just weird. Like, he acted like I was gonna blow up or something." I froze for another reason. I snapped my head to look at him for any sign that he was bullshitting me. He seemed serious.

"What do you mean, like you were gonna blow up?"

Beau shrugged again. "I don't know. He sat on the edge of his chair, at the edge of the table. Wouldn't look at me, talk to me. He bolted the second the bell rang."

"Like he didn't want to be near you," I murmured, chewing on my nail more. This was a twist and I couldn't quite tell what it meant. Did Beau and I have the same blood? Did both of our blood sing to Edward?

Do twins share the exact same blood, or is that crazy?

Why did I feel relieved at the thought that Edward may not go crazy for my blood?

* * *

I didn't get to find out if my blood sang to Edward. He wasn't in school the next day. Or the next, or the next. Beau seemed to be really interested in where he was, but I just really didn't give a crap. That may have been because I knew he was up in Alaska with his cousins, but still.

I sat at lunch with my nose stuck in a beat-up copy of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban that I had picked up at a library book sale (only a dollar!) while Beau stared at the Cullen's lunch table. He wasn't even listening to Jeremy as he jabbered on about who-knows-what.

I was aimlessly shoving fries in my mouth as I read until Beau hit me on the arm, repeatedly.

"Oh my god, what is your-" I cut myself off when I saw Alice Cullen standing in front of our table. She looked between Beau and me expectantly, and we just stared back like goldfish. Mouths opening and closing wordlessly. What a couple of idiots, we are.

Our table was completely silent. It sounded like the entire cafeteria was quiet. "Hi, Bella, right?" Her void really _did_ sound like a tinkling bell! It was the weirdest, yet prettiest thing I had ever heard. "I'm in your Biology class."

Beau nudged me in the ribs and I coughed in an attempt to cover up my delayed response. "Uh, yeah, I'm Bella."

"Do you think you could help me out with the homework?" Alice asked. She really was short, yet her petiteness did nothing to diminish the beauty she held. Most people who are that small can only ever pass as "cute", but Alice was definitely in the "beautiful" section. Except, it was the "vampire beautiful" section, not the "human beautiful" one that the rest of us inhabited.

"O-okay." I said, looking up at her. She didn't move, and I noticed that she was just slightly too still for a human. The things you can only notice when you know she isn't. "Oh! Um, now?"

Alice nodded. "If you don't mind. My book is in my locker." I stood up clumsily- Bella's clumsiness was the bane of my used-to-be-a-ballerina existence- and followed Alice out of the cafeteria. I could literally feel all the eyes burning on my back, my brother's the most intense out of them all.

As soon as we were out of the giant room, Alice twirled on her heels to face me. She was a good four inches shorter than me, so it was almost comical how I had to look down at her and she looked up at me, her eyes not quite amber, but more yellow than black. That was a good sign, at least.

Alice seemed to be examining my face and took a few deep breaths that actually scared me. She frowned.

"So," I started, stuffing my hands in my pockets and taking them out two seconds later. I bounced a little. "What part of the homework did you need help with?"

Alice stood so still I might have mistaken her for a photograph, then she blinked. "You don't have any classes with my brother, do you?"

Oh. She nabbed the wrong twin.

"Uh, no, I don't have any classes with either of your brothers." I said, acting like I didn't know which brother she was talking about. Obviously, she meant Edward, but Bella wouldn't know that.

Alice tilted her head to the side and stared intensely. I was really uncomfortable, being so close to a vampire and being under that sort of stare. "Then why did I see..?" Alice murmured so quietly I wouldn't have understood if I hadn't read her lips. She sighed, clearly annoyed. "Nevermind, I think I can figure the homework out myself. Thanks anyway!" She walked as quickly as humanly possible down the hallway. I watched until she turned a corner, sparing me one last glance.

I didn't go back to the lunchroom, choosing instead to just sit in my Geometry classroom for an extra fifteen minutes. I couldn't even concentrate on my book, my mind was so clouded with thoughts of Alice. And Edward, and Beau, and what the hell was going on in this twisted version of Twilight. I couldn't keep up.

Luckily, it was a Friday, so I didn't have to do my homework right when I got home. Beau was a bit of a nerd and insisted on doing his right away.

"Don't come crying to me when it's Sunday night and you haven't done anything," he sang, as if he wouldn't let me copy all of his work when that happened. I may have only been in Bella's body for a week, but I knew how it all worked. I tried not to think about _how_ I knew how it all worked, but I did.

Instead, I decided to do the one thing I figured would get my mind off of this whole Cullen thing. I was going to La Push.

I hadn't been driving much since coming to Forks, but this thing was so sturdy that I had no worries about myself should I be in an accident. I just drove, using my phone's GPS to get me to First Beach. I had no idea what I was going to do once I got to La Push, but I decided I'd figure that out once I was there.

The road I took lead me straight to the ocean. I parked the truck on the shoulder of the road and climbed out, holding my sweatshirt tight to my body. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to come to a beach in January, but I was too far to go back now. I got out and pulled the sleeves of my sweatshirt over my hands. It helped a little, but I was really regretting not buying a winter coat.

The ocean was stunning. If you've never seen the northern Pacific Ocean during winter, please find a way to do so. It was snowing lightly and it was so pretty, watching the snowflakes drift into the waves. The beach wasn't sandy, either, which was nice. I wasn't going to go home with half the beach in my shoes. I found a piece of driftwood that wasn't covered in ice and I sat on it, just watching the waves roll in.

"Do you have some sort of death wish, or are you just nuts?" A voice asked. I jumped slightly and turned to see who had spoken.

I knew right away that it was Jacob Black. He was tall- not freakishly tall yet, but still a good five inches taller than me- and had dark skin, though I couldn't see much of it because he had an actual winter coat on. His long hair was pulled back in a ponytail and he had a beanie on.

"Um, neither?" I replied. I hadn't realized just how cold I was until I saw how warm he must have been. I shivered.

"Look, you're gonna freeze to death out here," Jacob said. "At least come in the diner and warm up." There was a small diner up the road. I shrugged and decided to do as he said. It was something to do. I was quickly finding out that there really was nothing to do in a small town, especially in the winter. I stood up stiffly, my pants almost frozen in place. Jacob waited for me to walk up to him to start leading the way.

"Is that your truck?" He asked as we passed the red monster. I nodded. "You're Bella?"

"Um, yeah?" I said. "Bella Swan. Why?"

"I'm Jacob Black. My dad sold that truck to your dad."

"Small world."

"Small town." I chuckled.

"Touche."

It took longer than was probably reasonable to make it to the diner, but hey, my legs were cold! Jacob seemed to warm up to me quickly, though, once he knew who I was. He mentioned how I used to play with his older sisters while he had always played with Beau. I clucked my tongue at that.

The diner was absolutely heaven. It was so warm that I was pulling my hoodie off before we were even seated in the booth. Jacob, too, quickly rid himself of his winter gear and we made a nice pile on the inside of his seat.

I ordered a hot chocolate and he got a coffee. I looked over the menu, though it was kind of pointless because it was all just typical diner food.

"So why did you decide to freeze your ass off on the beach?" He asked while I debated between chili fries and just a bowl of chili. I shrugged.

"I was bored and wanted to get out of the house." I said. "I don't know. There's not much to do around here." Jacob laughed.

"Yeah, it's pretty dead," he agreed. "But still no reason to die by ice." I rolled eyes at his pathetic attempt at flirting.

"I wasn't gonna die."

Hot chocolate and chili fries is probably a really gross combination, but Jacob sure wasn't complaining as he continually stole my fries.

"Hey!" I smacked his hand and he dropped the fry. "Get your own, Jake."

He looked a little too thrilled at the nickname, but I chose to ignore it. He continued eating his hamburger and waited until I had my hands full with my hot chocolate to steal a fry. I made a noise of contempt, but struggled not to laugh at the pseudo-sneaky look on his face.

"You're stupid," I said lightly, setting my cup down with a _clink_.

"Nuh-uh."

"And childish," I quipped, smiling so he knew I wasn't completely serious. He grinned back, bits of potato all over his teeth and he knew it.

"Yup!" I wrinkled my nose.

"Gross!" We broke into a fit of giggles.

* * *

"Beau?" I called. I was on the couch, trying to understand my Geometry homework.

"Bella?" Beau replied teasingly from the kitchen, where he was cooking dinner. He wouldn't tell me what it was and I wasn't allowed in "his kitchen" while he cooked- he was a bit anal when it came to the kitchen and cooking. I learned quickly to steer clear whenever possible.

"Can I see how you figured out number fifteen?" I asked, guilt in my voice. I was impatient to be done with my homework. Sunday nights really suck.

Beau _tsked_ a few times. "I told you to do your work on Friday!"

"Oh shut up," I grumbled. I tapped my pencil eraser on the paper. "Please?"

"It's on my bed." I cheered my thanks and ran up the stairs to Beau's room. His room was creepily clean, the way that my room in Phoenix was. Bella's room, I mean. His homework was waiting in the center of his bed for me, the math work on top.

Was Geometry _really_ that important? No, I decided, as I simply copied Beau's work. I changed a few answers to make it a little harder to tell that I hadn't done the work myself. Beau was a pretty great brother.

I really hoped the whole Edward thing turned out okay. If I could help it, I didn't want Beau getting wrapped up in the vampire world.


	4. Abandoned

Beau and Edward were sitting together at lunch.

 _Beau and Edward were sitting together at lunch!_

My chest was in knots as I sat between Jeremy and Mike, who were both vying for my attention. I _hmmed_ at the right moments while chewing on cardboard french fries and staring at my brother and the back of Edward's head. I didn't know what to do- what _could_ I do in this situation? March right up to a fucking vampire and demand he leave my brother alone? One, like that would even work, and two, I did not want Edward getting a whiff of me anytime soon. No, thank you.

Beau looked past Edward's shoulder and met my eyes. Feigning nonchalance, I raised my eyebrows at him. He raised his back and went back to talking with the vamp. I frowned and shoved another fry in my mouth.

"Well?" Mike asked, pulling me from my thoughts. I looked over at him and blinked owlishly.

"Huh? Um, yeah, sure," I said, acting as if I knew what he had said. His face broke out into a wide smile. One that kind of scared me a little bit. One that made me regret what I just said.

"Really?" Mike was practically bouncing in his seat. He really did look like an excited golden retriever. Huh.

"Uh-huh?" I agreed hesitantly. I felt like I was digging my own grave.

"Okay, well," Mike stumbled, as if he wasn't expecting me to say yes to whatever he asked. "I'll pick you up at six?"

"Pick me up?" I squeaked. The bell signaling the end of lunch rang and I hurriedly grabbed all my stuff and headed out, head spinning. Jeremy walked next to me, looking less than please.

"I can't believe she agreed to go on a date with that-" Jeremy grumbled to himself and my worst fears came true.

"Crap," I whispered, walking into Geometry. I had a date with Mike Newton.

* * *

"Beau!" I called out for my brother, who had disappeared right after gym class. I bumped into a trash can and cursed, but continued to look for my brother. He wasn't anywhere to be seen, so I headed out to the truck in an attempt to avoid Mike asking me, for the twentieth time, if I preferred roses or lilies.

I really hoped he wasn't going to bring me flowers.

I walked over to where the truck was parked and paused. The truck wasn't there. The behemoth that was the red monster was not in the parking spot I knew we had parked in today. I looked a few rows up and down to be sure I wasn't mistaken, but it was nowhere to be then.

And then I spotted it, driving down the road. With two teenage boys inside.

"Oh, fuck no!" I shouted. It started to rain just then and all I could do was curse my luck. My brother- my _fucking twin brother_ \- had abandoned me at school for Edward. Fucking. Cullen.

I ran back to the gym doors, slipping once and soaking my knees in mud, and huddled under the awning with two other girls I didn't know. I pulled out my cell phone and dialed Beau's number.

One ring, two rings... Voicemail. He sent me to voicemail!

Wow. That hurt a lot more than it should have. Right in the heart, too. Not only did my brother abandon me for someone he just met- and was a vampire, for crying out loud!- but he didn't even have the decency to pick up my call?

"Bella?" Angela tapped my shoulder gently, her voice kind. "Do you need a ride home?" She definitely knew what happened but was too nice to comment on it. Angela was definitely named correctly, because she was an angel on Earth. I gave her a smile and was about to accept, when a thought struck me. I wanted to make Beau feel guilty for being such a jerk.

"No, that's alright, Ang!" I replied, probably a little too perky. I almost cringed at the sound of my own voice. "I already called my dad and he's on his way."

Angela fiddled with her glasses. "Do you want me to wait with you?"

"That's so nice of you, but it's really okay. Go on, get out of the rain!" I insisted. Angela hesitated, still. "I'll call you later, okay?" Finally, she nodded and walked to her car. I waited until she drove away to start walking.

I was gonna walk home in the rain.

To be honest, it was probably a really stupid move. Yeah, it was definitely a stupid move that was going to land me with a cold or pneumonia or something. I was pushing my luck, since I hadn't gotten sick from my wintry escapade in La Push. But I wanted Beau to feel bad for being a jerk, and this was the way to do it. Even if it was late February, and still freezing cold.

The walk home wouldn't have been so long if I hadn't kept slipping in puddles. I really was a klutz. It was becoming a real problem. The rain kept getting heavier and heavier and I was completely soaked. There was not one inch of me that wasn't wet and it was absolutely miserable. My feet were frozen and numb, yet somehow I could still feel the squish of water every time I took a step. My teeth chattered and I hugged myself in an attempt to keep warm.

Our house finally came into view and it took all my willpower not to run for the door. With my balance issues, I'd crack my head open on the front step. I hurriedly walked in, grateful that Charlie wasn't home yet. I didn't want to have this argument with an audience.

I slammed the door loudly and Beau belatedly came to the top of the stairs to see what was up. His eyes widened when he saw me and I felt a vindictive shiver of satisfaction. Or it was a regular shiver, but the satisfaction was there.

"Hello, _Beaufort_." Oh yeah, I was pulling out the awful full name on him. My walk in the freezing rain had given me plenty of time to be properly pissed.

"Bells?" He looked really guilty. As he should!

"Would you like to explain to me _why_ you abandoned me at school today?" I asked icily. He glanced towards his bedroom and back down at me. "Or why you didn't answer my fucking phone call? Or- or-" My teeth started chattering so badly speech was difficult.

Beau was down the stairs in a heartbeat. "Bella, I'm so sorry, I completely forgot-"

"You _forgot?_ " I demanded, hurt stabbing my heart. "You _forgot_ your twin sister, who you ride to and from school with every day? You just forgot, even when I called and you ignored me?" He was ushering me up the stairs and into the bathroom as I yelled. He wrapped me in a towel and tried in vain to dry me off.

"I was just-" I shook my head.

"You know what, I don't want to hear it." I snipped. "Just go back into your room and- do whatever it is that was so important. I'm taking a shower."

Beau took my dismissal a little too quickly and a little too eagerly. He was careful to only open the door wide enough that he could slip inside.

Oh.

Edward was in there, wasn't he?

I closed the bathroom door and hurriedly jumped into a steaming shower, the warm water calming my shivers. My mind, however, was nowhere near calm. Edward Cullen was in my brother's bedroom. Had time really gone by that fast? Did Beau know what Edward was?

I warmed up after a while and I was fairly certain I didn't have frostbite anywhere, but my mind would not shut up. No matter how pissed at Beau I was, I didn't want him to be killed by a vampire (Edward or otherwise).

By the time I came downstair, Charlie was home and Beau was busy in the kitchen. Beau turned when he heard me and looked like he wanted to talk, but I just went into the living room with Charlie. He was watching some basketball game that I didn't care about but I'd rather be in there than with Beau.

There was a knock at the door. "I got it!" Beau called, which was good because neither of us made a move to get it. I pulled my sweatshirt- which was actually Charlie's- closer. My hair was still wet and I wasn't completely warm now that I was out of the warm water. I even had fluffy socks on.

Beau broke out into laughter at whatever was at the door. He said something that I couldn't hear and shut the door. One of the players on the screen got fouled or something and Charlie shouted indignantly. I stifled a giggle; it's funny to watch people scream at TV screens. Though I couldn't really same much as I tend to scream at my computer screen while watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Please enjoy that irony.

"Hey, Bella?" Beau called warily. "Can you help me in here?"

Way to put me on the spot. He was testing whether or not I wanted to pull Charlie into our fight. Frowning, I got up and went into the kitchen. I blanched when I saw a bouquet of lilies on the kitchen table.

"So, I, uh, save you from your date with Mike," Beau said, stirring a pot on the stove. "Unless you actually wanted to go out with him? I mean, I thought-"

"I didn't want to go out with him," I said quietly. I felt drained and I didn't want to have this conversation right now. Or ever, really. I tugged at the sleeves of sweatshirt.

"I'm sorry."

"Whatever," I mumbled, looking at my blue fuzzy feet.

"No, not whatever, Bella!" Beau shouted. I jumped back a little. I don't like it when people yell. Tears welled up in my eyes. He softened when he saw that. "It's not whatever."

"Yeah, well, you chose Edward Cullen over me," I murmured. "I see how it is. You know what? I'm not hungry, so I'm just gonna go to bed." I didn't wait for him to say anything else, just ran up the stairs and into my room.

I laid in my bed and stared up at the ceiling. In reality, I was starving. I had been so distracted at lunch that I had only eaten my fries and my stomach growled loudly. Plus, I wasn't even tired. So I just laid there, listening to the constant pound of rain on the roof and wondering when things go so complicated with my brother.

That's when it hit me. I thought of Beau as my brother. I thought of this place as my house, my room, my everything. I thought of Bella's life as my own.

Shit. Shit shit shit. This wasn't supposed to happen.

I sat up and looked out the window. It was dark, but I could see the green of the leaves thanks to a streetlamp right outside the house. I hugged my knees close. I couldn't remember my name. My real one, I mean. The one I had before I became Isabella Marie Swan. I couldn't even remember what I used to look like. The face in the mirror had become too familiar.

What was my mom's name? Ren- No! No, it was Cris? Crissy? Cristina? Something like that, but it frightened me that I couldn't tell which one was right.

I was losing who I was. Who I used to be, and I had no way to stop it. There was no way to go back, of that I was certain. I was stuck here with a vampires and soon-to-be werewolves and a brother who abandoned me at school.

And I was _starving_.


	5. Because I Have Standards

Everyone in my friend group was buzzing about the trip to La Push, but I wasn't all that excited about it. I mean, I've been to La Push a couple times now, hanging out with Jacob. Plus, I knew what was supposed to happen there: Beau was going to find out that the Cullens were vampires.

It seemed pretty obvious at this point that while I had taken over Bella's body, Beau had taken over Bella's plot.

It was becoming harder and harder to think of all this as a story. Like my mind was rejecting the thought that the life I lived wasn't reality. It gave me a headache. Though, as much as I'd been able to puzzle through, Beau's relationship with Edwards was different than the one I remember. For one, he had been hanging out with Edward a lot already, and the La Push trip was only just happening! Beau didn't even know what Edward was yet.

But anyway, we were all standing around in front of Mike's parents' shop, waiting on Lauren and Conner so we could leave. Beau and I stuck together, which was the most time he'd spent with me in weeks. Not that I was bitter or anything. He was practically an adult, so he could do whatever he wanted. Even if that was neglecting his only sister. And we weren't even talking! I didn't know what to say to him.

Mike had been super distant ever since the not-a-date thing happened, but he still offered for me to sit in the passenger seat in the van he borrowed from his mom. Jeremy gave me a dirty look from where he stood. I elbowed Beau in the side.

"Go sit shotgun," I hissed. He made a face.

"No, Mike's kind of annoying, if you hadn't noticed." He said the last part sarcastically and I glared at him.

"You've ignored me for three weeks, Beau," I snapped. "And I haven't said shit. Now, go be a decent brother and insist that you sit shotgun!" I almost felt bad when I saw guilt flicker on Beau's face, but I got over it. I shouldn't have to pretend he wasn't being a terrible brother. He should remember that his human life still mattered.

He went over and talked to Mike for a minute before just yanking the passenger side door open and sitting. I almost giggled, but managed to keep a straight face. I wanted Beau to know I was angry with him. I didn't care if that made me childish.

The drive to La Push was only about fifteen minutes and I spent it talking to Angela about the paper we were all blowing off that weekend. Of course, she had already completed it and was nice and offered to help me with mine on Sunday. Thank god I had a friend like her.

A pair of hands covered my eyes and I would have screamed if a familiar voice hadn't said, "Guess who?" He was laughing too hard to make it difficult.

"Jake!" I squealed, ripping his hands off my face. I whirled around and jumped on him. He barely stumbled as he hugged me back. Two boys stood back a little, whispering. I waved at them as Jake set me back on the ground. "Hey Quil, Embry."

"Hey," Embry said shyly. He was still easily embarrassed around me for some reason. It was like, every time we hung out, he needed to warm up to me again. I dunno, he was a strange one.

Quil just sort of winked at me. It was weird.

I introduced the boys to Angela, who was shy and charming, as per usual. They all sort of latched on to her, sitting all around her and asking her questions. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Beau walk over to us. He was kinda awkward around everyone, since he hadn't hung out with any of us in weeks. Next thing I knew, he and Jake were head down the beach. I snorted. It looked so romantic, though I knew it was anything but.

I thought again about how Beau was taking over Bella's plot and thought that maybe- just maybe- it was. Maybe Jacob swung both ways.

I giggled at that.

Then, I remembered what he was about to find out and contemplated going after them. Before I could, though, Quil threw an arm around me, making some cheesy remark about how we were destined to be together. I rolled my eyes and pushed his face away from mine.

"Not even in your dreams, Ateara!" I shouted. Embry barked a laugh and Angela giggled. Quil feigned hurt, dramatically placing his hands over his hear.

"Oh Bella, why must you hurt me so?" I raised my eyebrows daintily and pursed my lips as if I were thinking about it.

"Because I have standards?" I asked lightly. Quil's mouth dropped.

"That's just mean!" He complained, but there was still a smile on his face. I was glad he could handle my brand of teasing. Especially since Beau couldn't. (Not that I'd had much opportunity to tease Beau, but still.) Embry howled in laughter, nearly pulling Angela off the driftwood as he fell over.

"Embry, be nice to Angela!" I chided through my giggles. "She doesn't know how to put up with your bullshit." Angela turned pink, which just fueled our laughter.

By the time Beau came back with Jacob, we were getting ready to leave. My brother had a troubled look on his face and, of course, I knew why. I didn't say anything though.

"Where'd you run off to?" I asked him as he walked past me. He barely stopped at my voice. He just sort of slowed down.

"Nowhere," he muttered. I almost tried to catch up with him, but decided not to. _Screw him_ , I thought. I walked with Angela instead.

"It was nice," she commented after a moment.

"Coming to the beach?" I asked, playing with the end of my hair. She smiled, but shook her head.

"Seeing you with your friends." I quirked my eyebrows.

"You see me with my friends every day?" I said, but it came out more like a question. "I mean, _you're_ my friend, Ang. Jeremy, Mike, Lauren- okay, maybe not Lauren- but you get the picture." Angela climbed into the back of the van first and I ended up right by the window. Beau was still in the passenger seat, thank god.

"No, it was different today," she explained. Everyone in the van was chattering away, so no one was listening to us. There's nothing like a van full of people to give you some privacy. "You're a lot more open around your friends."

"Angela, you're my friend, too," I repeated. She smiled and placed a hand on my forearm.

"I know, but not like you're friends with them." She fiddled with her glasses, which I was coming to know was a nervous tick of hers. "You're... yourself when you're with them."

* * *

Beau shut himself in his room as soon as we got home, no doubt to start googling everything he could about vampires.

"What's got his underwear in a knot?" Charlie asked. He had a pizza on the kitchen table, three slices already gone. We had been at La Push for a while. I plucked the only piece with no pineapple and bit into it. It still kind of tasted like pineapple and I wrinkled my nose. Whoever thought pineapple on pizza was a good idea had lost their marbles.

"Dunno," I said through my food. "He kind of disappeared while we were there. Maybe he fell in a tide pool and is embarrassed?" Charlie snorted and I laughed.

"Wanna watch the game with me?" He offered. I didn't even know what kind of game it was, but I knew I wasn't really interested. I shook my head as I finished my slice.

"Nah, I gotta send Mom an email. She's sent me, like, three this week and I haven't answered any of them."

I wrote a quick email to Renee, telling her about the trip to La Push and how we were "totally loving Forks. Really, Mom, I'm not lying." I felt bad about ignoring her emails, but I didn't really know her that well and it felt weird talking to her. Though I was starting to forget why, exactly, it was weird to talk to my own mother.

Oh, right. She wasn't really my mother. How could I forget that?

Wait. What was I talking about?

I blinked at the screen and sent the email to Renee. I tapped my fingers on my knee, suddenly bored. Angela and I were going to work on that paper on Sunday, so I didn't have any homework to work on. My library collection was still quite depressing, since no stores around here had any good books. The closest Barnes & Noble was in Port Angeles, for Christ's sake! Hopefully, Angela and I would go shopping soon and I could swing by B&N and properly stock up on books. I could only reread Prisoner of Azkaban so many times!

As if God was listening to my thoughts, Angela texted me then, asking about the spring dance and whether or not I was going. I rolled my eyes and laid on my bed. Mike was no doubt going to ask me and I was going to have a hard time saying no, especially since our not-a-date thing happened. His feelings were probably really hurt. On the other hand, Jeremy probably wanted to ask me, too, and I didn't want that either. God, who knew having boys like you would be such a problem? (God, who knew coming to Forks would make me such conceited bitch?)

Me: i don't even know. i'm not the best dancer

Ang: It'll probably be fun! We could go shopping for dresses together.

Me: ok the shopping part sounds fun

Ang: Great! If you're not doing anything else tomorrow, we could go and I can help you with your paper after?

Me: cool. soooo, you got a date

She didn't reply for a minute, making me worry that I'd hit a nerve.

Ang: No, Ben still hasn't asked me.

I rolled my eyes. Ben was such a dweeb; it was so obvious they liked each other!

Me: so you ask him! you're a strong woman who can take charge

Ang: I don't know...

Me: do it!

It took some wearing down, but I got Angela to promise to ask Ben out on Monday. We agreed she'd come pick me up tomorrow and we'd have lunch in Port Angeles. She even agreed to stopping at the bookstore!

I settled into my bed, pulling my laptop over from my desk. For the first time in quite a while, I'd had a good day.

 _Well, mostly a good day_ , I thought as I remembered Beau and his newfound knowledge of vampires.

I opened up my most recent Word document. I'd decided to start chronicling my time in Forks, though my reason for doing so was a little fuzzy. I kind of remembered wanting to keep an eye out for differences, but differences in what? _Books. Twilight._ The words popped into my head, but I couldn't quite place what they meant in this context.

I chewed on my lip and shrugged. I started typing away, writing all about my trip to La Push.

When I was done, I contemplated barging in on Beau and forcing my company on him in hopes he'd open up to me about what he'd learned earlier. I decided against it. I had a strange feeling, like I wanted _him_ to come to _me_ , not the other way around. I wanted him to want to share this with me, to include me in whatever life he was going to choose (and, come on, he was going to choose Edward. Duh.)

I ended up falling into a restless sleep, hoping he'd come talk to me at any moment. As soon as he got over the fact that vampires were real, preferably.

* * *

A/N: Hey guys! I am so sorry it's been a while, but I just got so swamped with school (college sucks, guys) but tomorrow is my last final and I'm off for two weeks, so I'm hoping to get lots of writing done. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, please leave a review and tell me what you thought!


	6. Port Angeles

I woke up in a panic, my heart racing so much it physically _hurt_. Beau. Edward. Vampire. Blood. It all came rushing at me, even though I couldn't remember where it came from. I was about to shrug it off as a bad dream, but that feeling- that awful, awful feeling- just sort of settled in my gut. I needed to keep Beau busy.

I whirled out of bed, still in my pajamas, and started knocking on Beau's door repeatedly. He opened it after a minute or so.

"What?" He asked blearily, rubbing his eye. His hair stuck up all over in a way that was almost comical.

"Whatcha doing today?" I asked sweetly. He raised his eyebrows.

"Well, I was gonna-" He cut himself off, like he didn't want to tell me. Oh, so it had to do with Edward, huh? All the better.

"Well, forget whatever that is," I told him. "You're joining me and Angela in Port Angeles."

He made a face. "No, I'm not. You're just going to be shopping the whole time." I rolled my eyes.

"Come on, Beau! Spend a little time with me!" I whined, grabbing onto his arm. He kept protesting, so I kept whining, pulling down so I ended up basically hanging from his arm. When did he start working out?

"Bella, come on, stop acting like a baby!" He was getting frustrated and I was surprised by how much that amused me.

"Daaaad!" I called, hoping he hadn't gone fishing yet. The weather was finally getting nicer and he had promised to be gone a lot on the weekends.

"What?" Charlie squawked from the kitchen.

"Tell Beau he has to spend time with me!"

"Beau, spend some time with your sister!" I let go of Beau's arm to punch the air in success, but ended up falling on my butt.

"Ow," I moaned, lying on my back. He smirked above me, nudging my side with his foot.

"I'm seventeen, I don't have to listen to Charlie," he reminded me. I glared at him and scrambled to my feet.

"I'll scream," I threatened. He looked like he thought I was bluffing. "I will, I swear!"

"Do it," he challenged. I opened my mouth and screamed as loud as I could. Charlie came bounding up the stairs.

"Okay, okay, I'll go!" Beau hurriedly said. "God."

"What's wrong?" Charlie cried. He had his gun in his hands, which kind of freaking terrified me.

"I saw a spider," I croaked, balking at the sight of the gun. He sighed.

"Oh my god, Bells, I thought someone was sucking your blood or something," he muttered as he went back downstairs. I paled at his phrase and I could see out of the corner of my eye that Beau did, as well.

Why did he have to use a vampire reference? Those should be banned in Forks.

* * *

Angela had her mom's station wagon, which she apologized for the second she pulled in the driveway. I waved my had dismissively at her.

"Have you seen the thing I drive? Yours is the better choice, no contest." I had no love for the truck Beau and I shared, no matter how much he loved it. "Anyway, you don't mind if Beau joins us, do you?" I had a whole list of reasons to persuade Angela to be okay with Beau tagging along, but she surprised me by nodding.

"That sounds great," she said with a smile. "It'd be nice to get to know him a bit. I feel like I've never talked to him." Coming from anyone else, that would have seemed weird, like she liked him or something. But I could tell from her face that she just wanted more friends. I swung my arm over her shoulder.

"Yeah, plus he can carry our bags." Angela joined me in laughing at that.

"You're laughing at me, aren't you?" We turned to see Beau closing the front door. He did not seem happy to be joining us. It instantly soured my mood.

"In fact, we are," I said snottily. "Now let's get in the car, yeah?"

I took the front seat, forcing him to sit by himself in the back. Angela awkwardly got in the car, sensing the tension between the two of us. She didn't comment on it, though.

"So, Beau, what do you want to listen to?" She asked after she'd backed out of the driveway. Beau was staring out the window, tapping his fingers on his knee impatiently. He shrugged. I rolled my eyes.

"He likes rock music, and alternative stuff," I told her. In the back of my mind, I tried to remember when I learned that. Could I even remember him playing music before? I shook my head and played with the radio stations until I found something that sounded like rock.

Angela and I talked idly over the music as she drove. Beau was being an ass and wouldn't contribute at all, no matter how many times Angela tried to pull him into the conversation. I could practically _see_ her wilt as time went on. Poor Angela was such a shy thing, and Beau was definitely not helping her self-confidence. I shot him a glare when he just 'hmmed' at Angela's question about whether or not he played any sports. I tried to do that whole "twin telepathy" thing, but I didn't think it worked. He ended up rolling his eyes and leaning forward.

"Nah, I never played any sports in Phoenix. I always wanted to play basketball, but I was too short." I snorted at that. Angela relaxed her grip on the steering wheel a little, encouraged by his response. I shot him a grateful smile. He rolled his eyes, but with much less attitude than before.

"The team at Forks really sucks," Angela said. "You'd probably have a shot here."

"I'll keep that in mind."

The two began to talk comfortably and I stared out the window as the trees whizzed by. I twirled a lock of my hair around my finger absentmindedly. Angela was good at keeping me in the conversation, though, so I didn't stare for very long. Our talking made the drive go by very quickly.

"Okay," Angela started as we entered Port Angeles, "where are we starting?"

I smirked at Beau. "Beau? Bookstore or dress store?" He groaned, leaning back in his seat. Angela giggled.

"If there's somewhere you want to go, we could go there as well."

"Dress store," he mumbled. "Bella will take too long at the bookstore."

"I'll take too long no matter when we go."

"Still, hunger will be our friend." I shook my head. Hunger would not prevent me from spending an adequate amount of time at the bookstore. Poor, disillusioned boy.

Angela pulled into the parking lot of some half-price dress boutique.

* * *

Beau ditched us when we went to the bookstore, claiming he saw some novelty shop he wanted to look in. I didn't call him on his bluff, allowing him to go and do whatever. He'd been a good sport for the majority of our dress shopping, so I figured he'd earned it.

Angela and I left our dresses in the car- hers a pretty pink and mine a baby blue- and went into the bookstore together. I beelined it for the young adult section, eyes raking over all the beautiful books. I was in heaven. I had spent as little money as possible lately so I could go crazy here, and I was not going to do anything less.

By the time Angela found me, with one book in her hand, I had seven books piled in one arm precariously. I was still plucking more off the shelves.

"Do you have enough books?" She asked, eyes wide. Without my asking, she took a few off my pile. I shook my head.

"Not even close. But these might be enough for now."

"Well, I already bought mine, so how about you go buy yours and I'll call Beau and let him know we're ready to go get food." Angela helped me carry my books to the checkout, then stepped outside. The cashier made a face at the nine books I was buying, but I didn't care. I was finally going to have stuff to read!

By the time I got outside, Angela was tapping her foot and looking worried.

"What's up?"

"Beau's not answering," she told me. I frowned. I juggled my bags around and pulled my phone out of my pocket, dialing my brother. Straight to voicemail, like the phone was off or something.

"That's really weird," I said. "Maybe we should head to the restaurant and try again?"

I had a sick feeling settling in my stomach.

"Yeah, let's go." Angela grabbed my hand gently and led me to the car. "I'm sure it's nothing." I tried to pretend I believed her.

The car ride to the restaurant- some Italian place I couldn't pronounce- was silent and tense. I abandoned my books to the trunk and just stared at my phone the whole time, willing it to ring. When it didn't I sucked in my breath really hard, like it hurt. Because it did. I felt like something was seriously wrong, like my twin was in danger or something. Like I should be with him, helping him however I could, instead of out with my friend.

Like it was my fault he was in danger in the first place.

He wasn't at the restaurant and he still wasn't picking up our calls. My stomach twisted with worry. I tried again. Voicemail.

"Beau, I swear to god if there isn't a good reason for you ignoring our calls, I will kick your ass so hard you won't even believe it!" I hissed. "I'm really freaking out right now, you jerk! Call me, okay?"

"Bella, maybe we should just eat? I mean, he knows where we are." Angela had guilt dripping from her voice, but my stomach rumbled and I knew Angela was just as hungry as I was.

"Yeah, okay."

We ate hastily, barely talking. I kept my phone on the table, so neither of us could miss it if Beau called.

We paid and left, deciding to wait outside by the car. It was warm enough by now that we wouldn't freeze to death.

And we practically ran into Beau, with Edward right behind him.

"Beau!" Angela said, full of relief. She hugged him quickly, in a fit of boldness. "You're okay!" He gave her a weird look.

"Yeah? Why wouldn't I be okay?" I slapped his arm. "Ow! What was that for?"

"Where the hell have you been?" I cried. "We called you a million times and you never answered, you jerk."

He suddenly looked sheepish, glancing back at Edward. Angela noticed him for the first time and shied back. "Sorry, I, uh, lost my phone."

"Sure you did," I said, my voice icy. Edward looked confused, and I realized with a jolt of vindication that he couldn't read my mind, either. "And you just, what, took your sweet time meeting us here? Like I wouldn't be worried?"

Beau shifted uncomfortably. "Bells, it's not that big of a deal."

"Right." I turned on my heel. "Hope _Edward_ can drive you home. Come on, Ang."

"Bella, you don't think-?" Angela seemed conflicted, but followed me anyway. At least someone was nice to me.

"Your sister doesn't like me, does she?" I heard Edward say as we walked away. I snorted.

"Nope," I muttered, knowing he'd hear it. I hoped he took it personally.

A few minutes into the drive, Angela glanced over at me. "So, did you still want help on your paper?"

* * *

A/N: Hope you guys like the chapter! Let me know what you think and if you have any suggestions, leave a review and tell me!


	7. Chaos

I stared at my computer screen, at my Word document that I used as a journal. I was still angry at Beau, who had come home about an hour ago and knocked on my door. I hadn't answered. Let him be ignored for once.

I couldn't remember why it had been so important to me to record my days. I had never been one for journaling before, so why start now? Why did I feel the need to write down my day, as if it would be strange or out of the ordinary or like I'd be able to decipher something from it?

Since I'd already finished today's entry, I closed the laptop and decided instead to organize my bookshelf. Angela and I had worked on my paper for so long that I hadn't gotten around to putting my nine beautiful new books onto my barren shelves yet. Only my copy of Prisoner of Azkaban sat there. It was truly a sad sight.

I laid out all my books on my bed: paperbacks first, then hardbacks. Two rows of five, all neatly placed. They were laid out according to size, each book ruler-straight. I may not be as anal as Beau, but with my books I could be.

Wait. Two rows of five?

I counted my books. One: A Darker Shade of Magic. Two: A Thousand Pieces of You. Three: The Rest of Us Just Live Here. Four: Blood Promise. Five: Shiver. Six: Fangirl. Seven: Twilight. Eight: City of Bones. Nine: The Immortal Rules. Ten: Reality Boy.

I knew I had only bought nine books. I had a book-buying problem, but it wasn't _that_ bad. Not nearly bad enough that I would forget a book mere hours after purchasing it.

I went through the books one more times, carefully examining them. After Fangirl, I picked up Twilight. It looked familiar to me, but I didn't remember seeing it at the bookstore. I didn't remember buying it. I turned opened the hardcover and read the inside flap: About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him- and I didn't know how potent that part might be- that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

I fell to the floor with a thud, my head spinning so much I couldn't see anything but the white hands holding the red apple. I dropped the book, pictures and snippets of text and so much more flooding my head. I couldn't concentrate. I couldn't think. I could do only one thing.

I screamed.

I heard my door fly open, smacking into the wall. A pair of hands grabbed my shoulders.

"Bella?" My brother- _but he wasn't really my brother_ \- asked, panicked. "Bella, what's wrong?"

I could hear Charlie running up the stairs. Hit shotgun was no doubt in his hands.

My own hands shook. I squeezed my eyes shut and leaned forward into Beau's chest. He was real. _He was real_. He was, he was, he was!

"Bells?" I heard Charlie whisper but I just shook my head and sobbed, clutching Beau's shirt like it was the only thing keeping me afloat. Maybe it was.

I couldn't speak. I couldn't say what was wrong, why I couldn't stop screaming. My head was too full. It was overflowing with two separate lives, two separate sets of information.

"We have to take her to a hospital." I could barely hear anything; there was no space in my head for anything else. I couldn't even tell who said it. But the next thing I knew, I was being lifted into someone's arms- Beau's, most likely- and carried out of my room.

"My book!" I managed to form words within my screams. "My book!"

I relaxed the tiniest fraction when Charlie picked up the book from the ground. He waved it at me like he hoped the book would solve everything, but I just kept having my fit. I could do nothing else.

The car ride to Forks Hospital was a blur. I couldn't stop shaking. I could barely hold on to the book, which Beau had wedged between my hands in an attempt to calm me as Charlie drove, the police sirens most likely waking everyone in the town up.

I continued to thrash in the backseat.

* * *

"How is she?" I didn't recognize the voice. I was still half-asleep and half-convinced the voice wasn't even real.

"I'm doing my best to keep her calm, but it's difficult." Another voice replied. I couldn't open my eyes, but found I couldn't panic over it. "There is much chaos inside her."

"And you have no clue what might have caused it?" A third voice spoke.

"No." First one again.

Either they fell quiet, or I fell into a deeper sleep. I couldn't hear them anymore.

It felt like I opened my eyes, but black was all around me. I twirled around and saw a short, chubby girl sitting on nothing- or, maybe it was the ground. I couldn't be sure with all the blackness.

She was chubby, like I said. Unruly brown curls cut short but still such a menace. Large glasses on her nose, and she constantly pushed them up. She had a book in her hands and had her nose buried in it.

I walked over to her, touching my silky hair self-consciously, as if expecting to be met by her curls instead.

"Hello?" I tried. I winced at the echo. She didn't even look up. She just held a finger up. _One minute_. I knew that would probably be more than one minute.

I looked around, though there really was nothing to see. It was nice, the quiet. The calm. My head had been so full of noise and chaos that this sort of emptiness was heavenly. I was fairly certain I was in a coma, but I could dig it.

The girl stuck a bookmark in her book and set it on her lap. She looked up at me, her brown eyes clouded by dirty glasses.

"You gonna sit down or what?"

I sat down in front of her. I sat up straight as I watched her slouch.

"Are you mute or what?" I cleared my throat.

"Or what." That earned me a smirk, which gave me a little confidence. "Where are we?"

She shrugged. "My space. Or what's left of it, as of late."

"Who are you?"

She quirked her eyebrow. "Isn't it obvious?" She waited, but I didn't speak. "You can think about it here. It's a safe space. You won't have another panic attack."

"How do you know?"

"You and I are already existing here. If your mind couldn't handle it, this wouldn't be happening." I didn't understand. She rolled her eyes at me. "So beauty really does take from brains, huh? I'm you, doofus."

She's me. I am her. Those sentences swam around in my head, almost tangible in the air. Impossible sentences- how can a person be two people at once?- but I could practically taste the truth in them.

"How?"

"I really have to spell it out for you?" She looked down at her book, like she'd much rather get back to it than deal with me. I looked at the cover, upside down from my view. It was a shiny black, with a red pawn and a white queen straight out of a chess game.

"If you don't mind."

"I do. But I will anyway." She took a deep breath and leaned back on her hands. "How do I say this? I was you before you were you."

"In Layman's terms?" I always hated that guy on TV shows and in books who would say "In English please!" whenever a smart person explained someone complex, but sometimes you just have to be that guy. Like right then.

"I was you first. In my world, your world didn't exist." She pulled out another book. Twilight. I recognized it as the book that had sent me into my frenzy. I scooted back a little, as if it might bite. "Your world belongs in here. I read it years ago, more than once. And somehow- I don't know how, so don't ask- I ended up inside the book." She flipped it over carefully, like it was fragile. "But it was wrong and my mind couldn't take holding two worlds."

"What do you mean, it couldn't take it?" She looked up from the book.

"A brain is only hardwired to understand one universe. It can understand the _idea_ of two, but not the actuality. You with me?" I nodded. "So when I held two worlds inside my brain- mine and the book's- my brain did the only thing it could do: it shoved one away. My world- the first one we lived in. I could remember the information from that world, sometimes even remember that I didn't belong in it, but it was hard. And it hurt. So my brain did away with me, too. Shoved me here, with only these four books to read. Quite boring, if I do say so myself." There were two more books by her now. Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn.

"So... you're me. We're the same person, but the you part of me got locked away in my brain because we couldn't take it?" I tried to simplify her explanation, but it was still making me feel dizzy.

"Basically."

"So what does that mean? What do we do?" She rolled her eyes at me. I was noticing that she did that a lot.

" _You_ don't do anything about it. You go back out there, and you live our life. Go find Jacob or Seth and have fun. Or, better yet, get the fuck out of Forks and go live a normal life." She said it so simply, like it was just that easy. " _I_ will stay here and continue reading these books. When you need it, you'll have the info you need. Who's a vamp, who's a wolf, what do to so you don't die. I'll keep reading so we don't forget."

"And that's all you'll do?" She shrugged.

"'S not so bad. They may not be the best books, but they're fun to read."

"That's not fair. You should be able to live a life, too." I crossed my arms. I was getting cold.

"I am living a life, stupid. I'm you, remember?"

"It's not the same."

"Well, you wouldn't know that 'cause you're not the one on the inside, so..." She picked Breaking Dawn back up and opened it again. "Shove that copy of Twilight on your shelf and never look at it again, okay? I promise I won't let us die."

I chewed on my lip and she smiled. She was almost pretty when she smiled. "I never used to chew on my lip. That's such a Bella thing to do."

"What's your- our real name?" Her smile disappeared.

"That doesn't matter. You're Bella now. Live like it, okay? Have some fun, be seventeen. Get your nose out of your books and live a life that should be in one, yeah?"

I stood up. Behind her, it was getting lighter. I took it as my cue to leave. Before I went, I knelt down and hugged her as hard as I could. I tried to convey everything in my heart into the hug, but she only patted me awkwardly on the back.

"Yeah, yeah. Get out of here, will you?" She asked as I stood, trying to subtly wipe my eyes. "I'm trying to read."

* * *

A/N: Well, that was kind of strange, wasn't it? I hope that answered anyone's questions about her memory and how it's going to play out the rest of the story. If you liked it, let me know in a review! If you hated it, let me know in a review!


	8. I Told You So

I woke up in the hospital with no memory of why I was there. My head was pounding and it made me wince. The only sound was the beeping of the machine to my left and some shifting to my right. I looked and saw Beau asleep in the hard plastic chair next to my bed.

"Beau?" I said and was surprised to find my voice hoarse. "Beau?" I whispered this time, but my throat still scratched painfully. I sighed and took my pillow, throwing it at my brother's face. He woke with a start, grabbing onto the pillow instinctively. He blinked owlishly before looking at me.

"Bella!" He cried, jumping out of his seat. I waved feebly, wincing as my head throbbed. He seemed to get the message and was quieter when he spoke next. "How do you feel? You've been out all afternoon and night! What was that all about anyway? You should lay back down. Lemme go get the doctor-"

He was out of the room before I could even open my mouth. He returned a minute late with a man who could only be Carlisle Cullen. (I didn't even spend a second wondering how I knew his name, though I would later.) I reflexively scooted away from him. He was one of them. A vampire.

He must have noticed, because he didn't come any closer.

"Bella, it's so good to see you awake," he said. His voice was calm and gentle, but otherworldly enough that it put me on edge. My heart monitor picked up just a tad. His eyes flickered to it, so I knew he noticed. Damn. "How are you feeling?"

Beau sat on the edge of my bed and held my hand like he did when I was six and got strep throat. "My head hurts," I rasped, "and my throat."

"I'm not surprised. You wore your voice out screaming." Dr. Cullen informed me, making a note on his clipboard. "You appeared to be having some sort of anxiety attack. Do you know what brought it on?"

I shook my head. "I don't remember even having an attack."

"Try not to talk. I'll have a nurse bring you some throat lozenges." He made another note. Vaguely, I wondered if he had messy handwriting like normal doctors, or if his vampirism made his handwriting super neat and pretty.

"What does it mean?" Beau asked. "That she can't remember?"

"Don't worry, Beau." Dr. Cullen said my brother's name with much too much familiarity. Like Beau was his son or something. It rubbed me the wrong way. "It's not uncommon for the mind to repress traumatizing memories. It'll only be an issue if these attacks and subsequent repressions continue. Now, I'll have a nurse bring you some lozenges and some painkillers for your head. We'll want to keep you a little while longer, but you should be able to go home in a bit."

He left after that and I exhaled in relief. I slumped back on the bed, which was propped up.

"You really scared me, Bells," Beau said after a minute. He was still holding my hand, so I gave it a squeeze. I noticed a black book sitting on a table past Beau and it gave me an unsettling feeling. I tried to push it out of my mind. Something told me I shouldn't look at it ever again.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled.

"Don't be. I-I'm sorry, too. I should have been there for you." Beau started stumbling over his words as they fell from his lips. "I promise I'll spend more time with you and never forget you at school and I'll actually be a good brother just please do not put me through that again oh my god-"

I hugged him tight, effectively shutting him up. He hugged me back and we sat there like that for a while. Finally, he sighed and let go.

"I'd better call Charlie and let him know you're up." He paused. "And you should probably text Mom."

I widened my eyes. "You told Mom?!" I cried, making a face when my throat burned. Beau grimaced. I rolled my eyes and held my hand out for my phone. Once it was in my hands, I turned the brightness all the way down- it made my head hurt even worse- and texted an "I'm alive, I'm okay" text to my mother. She texted back almost immediately and I ended up texting back and forth with her while my nurse came in and gave me my medicine. I thanked her silently and she smiled kindly at me. I was really glad she wasn't a vampire.

Wow. My life was weird.

* * *

"I'm fine, Jake, really," I said for the millionth time on the phone, a few days later. My voice was still scratchy, but sucking on cough drops kept it from hurting. "You don't need to come over. I promise."

"Do you want chicken noodle?" He asked, completely ignoring me. I rolled my eyes. "Or I could stop at a Chinese place and get you wonton? We might have a can of vegetable soup from the last time Rebecca visited-"

"Jacob Ephraim Black!" I scolded. "Stop doting on me like I'm a little kid. I'm so sick of soup I could scream." I really was. Beau hadn't let me eat anything but since I'd gotten home from the hospital. Well, that and ice cream. It was kind of a gross combo, to be honest.

"Fine, I'll grab a pizza then. Be there in twenty!" He hung up before I could tell him again that he didn't need to come. I groaned and dropped my cell phone on my bed. I was swimming in homework and really did not need Jacob distracting me.

"So, Jacob's coming over?" I jumped a little, startled by Beau's sudden presence in my room.

"When did you get home?" I asked. "I didn't hear the truck."

"Maybe you were too busy talking to _Jacob_ ," he teased. I flipped him off. "So, have you asked him out yet?"

"No," I said, "and I'm not going to. We're just friends."

"That's not what he said last week." That perked my interest. I feigned nonchalance and flipped a page in my math book.

"Oh really?" I said lightly. "What did he say?"

Beau laughed and threw himself on my bed. He'd been around constantly ever since my episode, except when he went to school and I stayed home. Charlie was talking about homeschooling me, but I thought he was just overreacting. I was going back to school on Monday, no matter what either of them said. Honestly, I was going a little stir-crazy being in this house for days at a time.

"Just that he's totally into you," he said, waggling his eyebrows at me. I hit him with one of my pillows. "You didn't hear it from me, though."

"It doesn't matter," I said, "I don't think I like him that way." Beau snorted at that, which was a sound I had never heard him make before. Very un-Beau-ish.

"Right."

"I haven't decided."

"It's not something you decide, Bells! You like him or you don't."

"I like him; he's, like, my best friend." Beau feigned insult. "Besides you, dummy. I just don't know if I like him romantically or not."

He was smart and dropped it at that. He took one glance at my sorry excuse for math homework and snatched it right out of my hands. "God, Bella, you're going to fail math. You know that, right?" I didn't say anything as he started correcting all of my answers. He was the math wizard, anyway.

Jacob arrived not long after that, two pizzas in hand. Beau was gracious enough not to make any suggestive remarks while he was there, to my relief. Being around Jake was great; he fit in incredibly well with my family and made my sucky situation feel a whole lot better. His overreactions to the basketball games we watched with Charlie were quite amusing, as well.

After a while, Beau excused himself and went to his bedroom. I had the distinct feeling that there was someone in there (probably Edward, let's be honest), but I wasn't irritated for once. Beau had been hanging around me so much for the past couple of days that I kind of wanted a little space.

A little after that, Charlie went upstairs to bed. "You two... be good okay?" He said awkwardly to Jacob and me. I shifted a little in my seat. "Just- don't forget we're upstairs, okay."

"Yes sir," Jake said, mock-saluting. Charlie chuckled a little, but still brushed his shotgun on the way up the stairs. I rolled my eyes.

"Men," I said by way of explanation.

"It's cool, I mean, you're his little girl," Jake said easily. He wasn't fazed at all.

"Yeah, yeah," I said, waving my hand dismissively. I stood up, picking up our dirty plates from dinner. "You want anything more to drink?"

"I'll go with you," he said, standing up as well. In my usual clumsy manner, I ended up tripping over Jacob's feet and yelped as I fell down. Jacob's arms circled my waist, catching me in midair. We froze for a moment, and then Jake started pulling me up slowly. I held onto his arms, trying to keep my balance. Beau's words from earlier floated back in my head and I kind of wanted to kiss him. He looked like he wanted me to kiss him, too.

"Is everything okay- oh!" Beau's surprised voice ruined the moment and I pulled away from Jake quickly. "Sorry, I heard you- sorry." I glowered at my brother as he grinned sheepishly. His hair was oddly tousled, but I didn't pay it much mind.

"No problem," I said through clenched teeth. I glanced back at Jacob and was a little happy to see that he looked disappointed.

"I'd, uh, better get going." Jake grabbed his jacket from the kitchen counter. I hugged him quickly, cheeks burning. "See you, Bells."

"Bye, Jake." As soon as the door closed with Jacob on the other side, I turned to glare at Beau. He was still on the stairs, a smug smile on his face. "You'd better go back upstairs before I smack that smirk off your damn face."

"I told you so!" He sang. I pretended like I was gonna hit him and he laughed, running up the stairs and back to his room.

"That's what I thought," I muttered to myself. I sat back on the couch, picking up the dirty dishes again. A lot of confusing feelings swirled inside me. I had wanted to kiss Jacob. My best friend. I wanted to kiss my best friend.

Did I like him? Or did I think I liked him because it seems like I should?

I ran a hand through my hair and groaned quietly. Things were going to turn into a giant mess, weren't they?

* * *

 **A/N** : Sooo, I suck and haven't updated in, like, five months. Sorry about that. It's just, with Twilight, I kind of go through phases of being into it and when I lose interest I can't write for it. Hopefully I'll update a lot before that happens again, but just know I won't be giving up on this story, even if it takes a super long time for me to update. Just keep reviewing and bugging me to write and I'll do it!

Anyway, let me know in a review what you thought of the chapter!


	9. Mom Face

The day Beau introduced Edward as his boyfriend almost gave Charlie a heart attack. Evidently, this was Beau's way of coming out. While I couldn't actually remember him ever telling me he was gay, I wasn't surprised in the least bit. Maybe it was just because I knew they were together already (or maybe I just knew they were gonna end up together). To be fair to Charlie, though, it really wasn't the gay thing that'd shocked him. It was the Edward thing.

Same, Charlie, same.

You should have seen Beau's face when Charlie cocked his gun and said, "Okay, bring him in." I dissolved into a fit of giggles right there at the kitchen table. I was still laughing, actually, when Edward walked in. I just kind of patted his shoulder as I walked past him to the stairs. I jogged up the stairs and into my room, purposely leaving the door open so I could hear what they were saying. I slipped a book off my shelf and started reading.

I let a giggle slip when Charlie started giving Edward the third degree. (At least Charlie was fair and grilled _both_ his kids' boyfriends.)

"So, what are your intentions with my boy?" Charlie asked gruffly.

"Dad!" Beau cried, clearly mortified. I smirked, flipping a page in my book.

"What, I just want to make sure you don't get your heart broke," Charlie defended. His voice was loud and it carried, so from then on I really only heard his part. Edward spoke too quietly for me to hear anything from him. What a loser.

"You're gonna get Beau to play baseball?" Charlie asked disbelievingly. "Good luck with that!" My stomach dropped at that. Beau being at a baseball game was _not_ a good idea. No, no, no. Should I say something? Would they listen to me? Probably not. I wouldn't, if I were them. My mind was going a mile a minute, so busy I almost didn't hear the soft knock on my door. I set my book in my lap and looked, expecting to see Charlie. Not the vampire himself.

"Um, hi," I said, more surprised than anything. I'd never spoken two words to Edward before, so why did he want to talk to me now? Unless... Oh god, please tell me he wasn't going to try to do the whole "formally introducing himself to the whole family" thing. I'd die right here if he even attempted it.

"Hello." God, he was so formal. So obviously a product of the early 1900s. I slid my bookmark in place and set my book beside me. I waited for him to speak, but he seemed to be waiting for me to speak, so we ended up in this weird silence.

"So..." I started once it was apparent he wasn't going to speak first. "What do you want?" I winced; that sounded meaner than I'd intended it to. But being near him make me uncomfortable- like my fight-or-flight instincts were kicking in and I wanted to run far, far away. At least one of the Swan twins reacted appropriately to vampires. I pulled my legs close, resting my head on my knees as he seemed to be searching for something to say.

"I know you don't like me," he started baldly, then winced. I snorted a little.

"Kind of an understatement," I muttered. I noticed him frown out of the corner of my eye.

"I just- I guess I just want you to know that I'm not going to let anything happen to your brother. I care for him very much." I examined his face for a moment and determined he was telling the truth, but to be honest I didn't care.

"That's good that you care for him," I said, "otherwise I'd be coming after you with a blowtorch. But that's not enough." I was going to say more, but I stopped myself. Edward couldn't read my mind, which meant he had no idea how much I knew. How much I knew Beau was keeping from me.

"May I ask why not?"

I opened my mouth and then closed it again. I couldn't articulate everything I wanted to say (Beau's human life still mattered, they were too serious for the short amount of time they'd known each other, Edward was at risk to kill him at any moment, that everything bad that was going to happen to Beau in the next few years would be directly related to Beau's relationship with Edward... the list went on) without saying that I knew about the vampire thing. I didn't want him to know I knew about the vampire thing.

"No, you may not," I said lightly after a moment. I opened my book back up, effectively telling him this conversation was over. He stood there for a moment and then finally left me alone. He was walking down the stairs at a normal speed when a thought occurred to me.

"Hey Edward?" I called, not super loud but loud enough for a normal human to hear me. "Be careful with Beau today, okay?"

"I always am," he replied from the stairs.

"Especially today."

He said nothing more and continued down the steps. Before they left, Beau called up a "Bye, Bella!" and my breath hitched in my throat. I shouldn't let him go. I should force him to-

He was already gone. Tears sprung into my eyes and I held my legs closer to my chest. I was a terrible sister.

* * *

Spending time with Jake, Quil, and Embry took my mind off things, even if watching them work on Jake's Rabbit was incredibly boring. I was so not a car person and they so were, but it was better than nothing. At least they got into it. I picked a slightly-cooled off slice of pizza from the box sitting on the floor and nibbled at it. I almost choked when Embry made a joke about Quil going to prom with his cousin next year.

"Aw, that's so sad," I teased, poking Quil in the back with my foot. He play-glared at me for a second, then his expression melted into a pseudo-charming one. Uh-oh.

"Then why don't you go with me, Bells?" He asked, looking up at me with teasing (but hopeful) eyes.

"What?!" Jacob squawked, actually choking on his pizza. He recovered after a moment, red in the face. "She wouldn't want to go with _you_ , Ateara."

I opened my mouth to say something, but Quil raised an eyebrow at Jake and said, "Oh really, and who would she want to go with, _Jake_?" Jake spluttered unintelligibly before refocussing on unscrewing something from the car's engine. Quit snickered and looked at me again, but I just took a big bite of pizza to save me from saying anything.

Emery reached for a slice of pizza with a grease-stained hand. I made a small noise and slapped it away.

"Go and wash your damn hands before eating, Embry," I ordered. He rolled his eyes at me.

"Okay, Mom." I bristled a little at the name, but was satisfied enough when he walked to the house and came back with clean hands. I was just about to make a comment when my cell phone rang.

"Ch- Dad?" I asked as I answered. I knew something was wrong right away. Charlie never called me.

"Bella? Oh thank god, are you still at Jacob's?" He asked, sounding very shaken up. The boys all gave me curious looks, so I held up a finger.

"Yeah I'm still here. What's wrong?"

"Beau left." My heart sunk in my chest. Right. That's what I'd come here to get my mind off of. "He said he was going home and-"

"I'll be home in a few minutes, okay?" I said softly. "It's gonna be alright, Dad." I shot Jacob an apologetic look since he was my ride home, but he didn't seem to mind. I gave Quil and Embry both hugs before I left, dodging their questions about what was wrong. Jake was nice enough not to ask about it on the ride home. I gave him and extra-tight hug for that.

Charlie was a mess. There was no other way to put it. Whatever Beau had done or said before he'd left had really fucked with Charlie. I did my best to comfort him, but I felt awkward and didn't really know what to do. Eventually I just sort of ordered him to go to bed.

"No, I- I should stay up in case Beau-" he protested. I shook my head and pointed to the stairs.

" _I_ will stay up and try to get a hold of Beau. I'll knock some sense into him, okay? Just go take a shower and get some sleep." He looked like he was going to argue with me some more, so I gave him the same "mom" face I'd given Embry earlier and he finally listened. He trudged up the stairs slowly, muttering to himself. I waited until I heard the bathroom door close and the shower start to relax.

I ran a hand through my hair and sat in one of the kitchen chairs. Fuck. After contemplating it for a minute, I pulled my phone out and called Beau.

"Bella?" That was _not_ Beau.

"Alice?" I asked.

"Yeah. I'm giving Beau a ride back to Phoenix." Alice said softly. "He's asleep right now." There was something in her voice that made me know she wouldn't be waking him for me. I grit my teeth a little. The urge to tell her that I knew everything was so close to the surface, but I managed to bite my tongue. I had no idea what they'd do and to be honest I did not want to find out.

"Okay, well, tell him to call me as soon as I wake up. Or else I'll be on the next flight to Phoenix to speak to him in person." I kept my voice sugary-sweet and knew Alice would hear the threat in there.

"I'll make sure he calls." She hung up without anything more.

A thought popped into my head. I bit my bottom lip lightly as I considered it. Charlie would be heartbroken. I'd probably end up grounded for a year. But I'd let Beau get into this mess without really doing anything to help him, so didn't I at least owe it to him to help him now?

(Not that he'd been the bets brother over the last two months.) (Would he even do it for me?) (Charlie shouldn't have to go through all of this shit.)

I'd made my decision before I'd even realized it when I was dialing Jake's number.

"Bella?" He said. He sounded like he'd been sleeping. Oops.

"Hey, sorry to wake you," I said, voice low. I didn't want Charlie to hear anything I was saying. I played with the hem of my shirt, my stomach doing little flip flops as Jacob spoke.

"It's no problem, Bells. Are you okay? Did something happen to your brother?" Jake asked. I heard some rustling on his end and I smiled, imagining him sitting up in Batman pajamas. He'd so be the kind of guy to still wear Batman pajamas.

"Yeah, something kind of happened with Beau. Or, it will. I don't know, it's really hard to explain."

"What can I do to help?" I smiled at that. Jacob was such a good guy. I took a deep breath.

"I need a ride to the airport. I'm going to Phoenix."

* * *

 **A/N** : Okay, so now I _think_ I know the direction I'm going to take this story, but I would still love to hear your ideas (if you have any)! I hope you liked this chapter and please please please leave a review!

Until next time, sweeties.


	10. Pleasure in Killing

I was such an idiot.

That was all I could think as I landed in Phoenix. I'd turned my phone off with a new outgoing message for Charlie ("I'm sorry, Dad, I gotta talk to him face-to-face."). And as soon as I walked out of the airport, I thought about how I had no idea what hotel Beau, Alice, and Jasper were in. Shit.

I hailed a cab and gave him Renee's address. I knew I was signing a potential death warrant, but I had no choice. Maybe if I was there, I could distract the tracker? The longer I was there, the more I was regretting this decision. What could I do, really? I rubbed my temples as the landscape of Phoenix blurred past.

I thought about Jacob. I'd hugged him really tight when he'd dropped me off.

"I'll come with you," he'd said for the tenth time since he'd picked me up in the dead of night. "I can knock some sense into your brother."

His words had sent panic into my heart and I shook my head vehemently. "He won't listen to anyone but me."

"You still shouldn't be going by yourself." He'd looked so concerned that it had just melted my heart. I'd pulled him into another bone-crushing hug.

"I'll be okay, I promise." What if my last words to my best friend were a lie?

"Call me when you land, okay?" I'd nodded and left, dreading the long flight and day ahead of me.

As the cab pulled into Renee's building, I thought about Jacob some more. I thought about how Beau thought I liked him and now I wasn't sure. The more I thought about it, the more I thought I might. I walked into the building and up the stairs to our floor. As I slid my key into place, I resolved I'd do something about my feelings for Jacob if I survived this.

 _When_ I survived this. I needed to think positive.

As soon as I walked into the door, I knew I'd made a mistake. Ice cold arms wrapped around me from behind, holding me so tight I knew I would bruise. Instincts kicked in and I started struggling, thrashing around and kicking. I tried to scream and a hand clamped over my mouth.

"If you want to live, _stop_." The voice in my ear was menacing, yet still that musical-tone that only a vampire could have. He held me tighter. It took all my energy to fight my instincts and stop fighting him. Goosebumps littered my skin as he leaned in close and whispered in my ear. "Good. Now, are you little Bella?"

"Y-yes." My voice was small, like a child's. I felt like a helpless little kid, about to be abducted and praying for someone to save me. I really was _little Bella_.

"If I set you down, Bella, will you listen or try to run?" James' voice was silky and dangerous. I was shaking all over as I answered.

"Listen."

Slowly, he set me back on my feet, hands still gripping my elbows. When he was satisfied I wouldn't do anything, he let his hands drop. I bolted, straight for Renee's bedroom. It had a lock on the door and was the only bedroom with a fire escape at the window. I'd only made it three steps and he was in front of me. I staggered back, eyes wide. He was stunning in a way that sent fear directly down my spine. He tilted his head, narrowed his eyes, and scrutinized me.

"Now, now, Bella. Why couldn't you have made this easier?" Next thing I knew, the world was black.

* * *

I awoke with my head pounding and tied to a chair. I groaned, tilting my head back. I tried to open my eyes, but the light stung and I cried out a little. A second later, a phone was shoved into my ear, ringing. It made my head hurt even more.

"Hello?" Beau was on the other line.

"Beau?" I asked blearily.

"Bella?" He exclaimed, clearly panicking. Why was he so worried? I managed to open my eyes and saw the vampire a foot from my face. Oh. Right.

"Beau! Beau you have to lea-" The phone was ripped from my ear and James held it to his own. I was still a little out of it, so I didn't catch much of what he said but I knew the extent of it: Beau needed to meet James wherever we were or else I would die.

"Burn in hell," I spat when he hung up. He chuckled.

"Oh, I intend to. But hopefully, big brother will save you from the same fate."

I couldn't think of anything to say, so I just kind of mumbled, "He's only four minutes older." What a typical twin thing to say.

"Why do you want him so badly anyway?" I asked after five minutes of agonizing silence. James was just sort of standing there like a statue and it just felt so... inhuman. He wasn't pacing or anything. He just stood perfectly still; he wasn't even breathing.

"You wouldn't understand." I couldn't help but roll my eyes at that.

"Try me."

"He smells... irresistible. I suppose you humans could compare it to a fine steak?" He started. He seemed much more natural when he was talking, which helped me relax a tad.

"I wouldn't do all this for a steak."

He grinned like the Cheshire Cat. "What if you enjoyed hunting the animal before dining?" My skin crawled. I could tell he wasn't considering allowing me to live.

"I don't care for hunters very much," I replied lightly. "I don't care for anyone who takes pleasure in killing."

"What a shame."

I didn't have a chance to ask what he meant because Beau came running into the studio. Damn, I was kind of hoping Alice had stopped him!

"Bella!"

"Hey," I said, feigning nonchalance. "Long time no see." He ran over to my, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I didn't know how to explain and James didn't give me a chance to. In the blink of an eye, he'd shoved Beau to the ground. Beau smacked his head hard on the floor, causing me to let out a scream.

I was forced to play spectator as James taunted Beau, filming as he broke Beau's leg and bruised him over and over. I screamed, begging him to stop. Tears streamed down my cheeks.

James whipped around, snarling at me. "Shut. Up."

"No, no, please oh my god leave him alone take me instead please-"

"SHUT UP!" He roared, sailing over Beau's body and throwing me, chair and all, into the mirrored wall behind me. I cried out as shattered glass rained down on me, leaving little cuts all over my legs and arms. I could feel blood dripping down from the back of my head and I could do nothing but sob in a pile of broken glass. I didn't even see when James bit Beau, but boy did I hear him scream.

The next events were blurry, hard to focus on, but my mind supplied the details. Vampires- Cullens- flooded the room. Carlisle and Edward bolted to Beau's side and a smaller one- Alice- went over to me. I just continued to sob as Alice gingerly lifted me up and out of the glass. I held on to her as best as I could as she took me out of the studio. Fire danced around my vision and Beau's screams continued to echo in my ears as I slowly blacked out once more.

When I woke, my hospital room was empty save Alice. She was perched on one of those really uncomfortable plastic chairs, looking perfectly at ease. She beamed at me.

"Hi," I said weakly, trying to sit up. I hissed in pain.

"You should stay laying down," Alice said quickly. "You'll tear your stitches."

"I hurt everywhere," I moaned. Alice looked sympathetic.

"I got you here as soon as I could," she said.

"Thank you for that," I said in a small voice. She stood and sat on the edge of my bed, so careful I didn't even move. "How's Beau?"

"Worse off than you are," she said, "but alive. That's what's important."

"Yeah."

"What were you even doing here?" I hesitated, not knowing how much I should say.

"I had a bad feeling. I guess I was right." Charlie and Renee came in right then, so Alice couldn't grill me anymore. I breathed a sigh of relief, though it hurt to do so.

* * *

I sat on the edge of the Cullens' couch, incredibly uncomfortable. I didn't want to be there. I was looking around the spacious room idly, chewing on my bottom lip softly. My only solace was my brother sitting next to me, his leg in a bright blue cast. He, at least, seemed perfectly at ease. Not that I was bitter or anything.

Just then, I felt a wave of calm rush over me and I didn't feel so keyed up anymore. It took me a second to remember Jasper's power, but I couldn't even feel offended. Damn empath.

I just wanted to get this conversation over with. It was going to be awkward and probably involve a lot of lying, but I just wanted to go home. Jacob was currently blowing up my phone, threatening that he was going to drag me to La Push and force feed me chicken noodle soup until I fully healed. Boy didn't seem to understand that chicken noodle soup didn't help a concussion or bruised tailbone...

Carlisle walked into the living room, Esme and Emmett on his heels. As all three of them joined the rest of us in the living room, I noted that they were moving just slightly faster than a human would. It kind of gave me the shivers.

"Bella," Carlisle began after a moment. I felt the urge to tense, but the calm Jasper put me under kept me from doing so. "What you saw... What James said to you..." He didn't seem to know where to start. I wondered how often he'd had these sort of talks.

"I would really rather not talk about it," I said quietly. Carlisle gave me rueful smile.

"Unfortunately, we have to."

"Bella-" Beau began, but stopped when he didn't know what to say.

"Look, I can keep my mouth shut about what happened in Phoenix. I can convince myself that trauma made me think some really crazy shit happened." I said hurriedly. "I'm fine, okay. You guys don't have to worry, I won't tell your secret."

I could tell none of them believed me.

"She's a good secret keeper," Beau said, vouching for me. I shot him a grateful grin. "She never told anyone about that time Brian-" I slapped my hand over his mouth, smiling sweetly at everyone else in the room.

"They don't need to know about Brian, Beau," I said through gritted teeth. Brian was this weird kid at this summer camp Renee forced us to go to when we were twelve. He was awkward and had a crush on me and long story short somehow turned to me and Beau when he got a literal stick stuck in his ass. I'm not even kidding. True to my word, I still haven't told a soul. I dropped my hand.

"It was six years ago!"

"And I'm sure he's still mortified." Smart boy, he let it drop. But the look Edward gave him told me Beau would be spilling Brian's secret later. "Anyway, it'll be easier for me to pretend nothing is abnormal if we don't talk about it, so let's not, 'kay?"

No one seemed to have an answer to that. Success.

"I'll just see myself out," I said, standing quickly. I looked at Edward. "I trust you'll give Beau a ride home?" He nodded and I hurried out the door. To my relief, no one tried to stop me. I climbed into our clunker car and kept silent until I was sure I was out of earshot of the Cullens.

Then, I screamed.

* * *

A/N: Look at me, posting twice in one week! I'm so on top of shit it's crazy. Lol it probably won't last, buuuutttt if y'all can give me three reviews in the next few days I can try to give you another chapter sometime next week ;). LET ME KNOW IF YOU LIKED THIS PLS.

Until next time, sweeties!


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